


Lost Time

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Guilt, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Keith & Krolia (Voltron) on the Space Whale, Keith (Voltron) Has Abandonment Issues, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Krolia (Voltron) is a Good Parent, Krolia Blames Herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 10:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19439311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: She wishes he would call her out, snap at her, blame her for his problems. It would help to know that she hasn't been alone in doing the same for so many years.





	Lost Time

Even after she explained everything to him, he's still quiet, still holding her at arm's length. He doesn't seem angry, just overly focused on the mission. He won't talk to her about how he spent his childhood in her absence, or even how Heath is doing. She can't really read his expressions most of the time.

It would be easier if he _was_ angry, she thinks.

They gather food together, go hunting, rescue a wolf cub from some hungry creatures. Keith brightens at having a pet, and Krolia watches him from a distance as he cuddles with and tries to train the wolf, whom he's yet to name. Sometimes he almost smiles at her when they talk.

But he won't get angry.

She wishes he would call her out, snap at her, blame her for his problems. It would help to know that she hasn't been alone in doing the same for so many years. Especially when one particular flash of the past shows her what ultimately became of Heath. Keith won't even look at her, and when she sees the tears in the boy's eyes and the gravestone, her heart rends.

_You abandoned your only child, and let your lover die without seeing him one last time._

She won't let herself cry. She doesn't have that right.

"I'm sorry," she says quietly as they sit by fire. The wolf pup, who's hardly a pup anymore, is curled up napping by their supplies, and Keith's roasting some meat over the flames. He sets the stick down, shaking his head.

"It's not your fault he rushed back into a burning building to save an old man," he says.

"I mean for everything." Her voice wavers. "You couldn't have been more than eight, nine years old..."

"Ten." He smiles ruefully. "I was always one of the shortest kids in my class." He's not short these days, Krolia thinks. By her estimation he's grown a good two or three inches since they climbed aboard.

"So what happened after..."

"I spent five years in a children's home," Keith says. "Dad hadn't finished his will so the state didn't know who had the legal rights to me and they couldn't get in touch with his family. His partner couldn't afford to take me in." He picks up one of the skewers, nibbling on a piece of meat. "No one took me in, even as a foster. I basically lived there till I ended up in the Garrison."

"Did you at least have friends?" Krolia asks. She eyes her own piece of meat, taking a bite even though she's not that hungry. "Were the caretakers good to you?"

"They were okay. I got swept under the rug cause I was older, though." He chews thoughtfully. "I didn't have many friends. Even before Dad died, I was never...kids thought I was weird, cause I was so quiet and didn't get jokes and stuff. I didn't really know how to talk to people." He shakes his head. "When I got to high school they started calling me _that emo kid._ " Krolia frowns.

"Well, that was rude of them. Didn't the teacher make them stop?"

"It wasn't like they were hitting me or threatening my life, it was just a little namecalling." He looks away, his face reddening. " _I_ was always the one who got in trouble for hitting, actually. When Dad was around I had an easier time remembering not to, but at the home, in middle school..." He looks so ashamed of himself. "By that time it was pretty much my fault I was all alone. I didn't trust anyone after Dad died."

She puts her food down and comes over to his side, pulling him into a tight embrace, fighting back tears. She'd had a feeling he'd had a rough time without her, but she'd never imagined it was that bad. Losing his father, being lonely all those years, feeling like no one wanted him.

"If I'd stayed home like a good mother, you'd have been okay," she says. "Oh, Keith, you deserved better, so much better. I'm so sorry!" He tenses, and for a moment she's sure he's going to push her away, but then he slumps into her embrace, against her shoulder as he begins to tremble.

"I thought you left because you didn't want me," he mumbles. "Like somehow you _knew_ I was gonna turn out to be a bad kid. All my life, teachers, caretakers, other kids said I was a troublemaker who'd never amount to anything. When Shiro came from the Garrison my teacher said not to bother giving me a chance, cause James Griffin was so much better than me. Iverson, Sanda, all I ever did was piss them off, my classmates hated me." Everything's pouring out now, and she tightens her arms. She wants to be angry at all those people for making him feel bad, for making him doubt his own worth.

_But you're the one who left and made him that way. If you'd been a good mother, you would've taught him right from wrong and he'd know how to behave around other people._

"I'm sorry." It's all she can think of to say.

"It wasn't so bad while I had Shiro. He offered me his hand, told me he'd never give up on me...he was the only real friend I'd had since Dad died," Keith says. "Then _he_ disappeared, but he came back, and we found the blue lion..."

He tells her all about Voltron, meeting Princess Allura, his struggles with the team, Shiro disappearing again, why he joined the Blades. All of it points back to his fear of getting close to people, disappointing them, feeling like he'll never really fit anywhere.

He doesn't cry, though, not a single tear even when he delves into how much he hated himself sometimes. And despite the tears threatening to fall, she can't bring herself to let them.

"I'm being selfish," she realizes. "I've been so hung up on my guilt that-"

"You were hurting too." He offers a tiny smile. "I bet you expected to finish the mission faster, get home to me and Dad, and we'd live happily ever after, right?"

"More or less."

"I'm sorry Dad died before you had a chance to see him again," he whispers. "He didn't talk much about you, but when he did, he always looked so happy. He said I had a mother, he couldn't explain about her, but he wished I could get a chance to meet you."

"And he lives on in you," she says. "You have his courage, his strength, and even when you're afraid to let people in you'd still give your life for them." Keith smiles a little more.

"I didn't just get that from Dad."

She hugs him tightly again, stroking his back, burying her face in his hair. So many mistakes she'd like to correct, so much lost time she'll never get back, so many things she wishes she could have given him when he needed her. But they're here now, they're both alive, and even if she can't turn back time it's not too late to make things right.

And deep down, she knows that him getting angry wouldn't solve anything, just like her being angry at herself didn't.

So she just holds him, letting him know she doesn't plan to leave him again anytime soon, trying to give him all the comfort and reassurance he's needed for so long. She can't go back and yell at those people who made him feel bad, but someday she'll meet the man who made him feel good about himself again.

"Thanks," he says after a long silence. "For listening. It's...gonna take me a while to get used to having a mom around, but...I'm glad you're here."

She kisses his forehead, smoothing his hair back from his face.

"I'm glad, too."


End file.
